But.

I’m going to start with the positives: E does high fives and can now perch up  on her knees as she plays and reaches for toys, a key precusror to pulling to a stand.. A has started to draw pictures you can actually recognise (a sun with rays and a smiley face, an eight wheeled car) and actually uses a knife and fork when dining in public. Adult sized metal ones. Yeah, I know.

Now the not so good: I’m in a dark frame of mind, and it is mostly due to the fact that I am tired of being bad cop to the threenager.  I put her in time out, she walks away.  I take away priveleges, she whines and then badgers her father to give in.  She refuses to listen- especially to the not grabbing her sister or trying to make E crawl through her legs bit and screams no in my face.

Part of it is my fault. I have been short tempered and not always the calmest and most consistent of late. However I am beginning to feel like I am fighting a losing battle when it comes to enforcing the rules. You don’t eat your vegies, you don’t get dessert. You have water to drink between meals. You stay in time out until time is up.
NOT EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE FOR YOU.

This is what ticks me off the most. I try to offer closed ended choices where possible to give her some say and where the choice is of no major consequence (eg do you want a shower or a bath tonight? Your red or pink shirt?)

Problem is, I think we’ve made it too open ended for our girl. She must be hearing a raised voice at the end of “It’s time for lunch” because A sure as hell is treating statements like they are questions.

Are we trying too hard to be more like friends than parents? Quite frankly, I want us to have a loving relationship with our daughter- but one with boundaries. And tough if you throw a tantrum when you don’t get your own way.

So why do I feel like this isn’t being achieved right now?

I need to take a breather and get out a bit more. Make that even a bit.

Nah scratch that, I think I just need a bit full stop.

Yep, today I am one ofthose mothers, you know, the shouty/cranky/westie type. The situation is not helped by the fact that A herself has morphed into a feral cheryl since turning three, registering an 11 out of ten on the whining and tantrum richter scale.

A typical example:

Push me on the swing
In a minute honey, mummy just has to put a load of washing on (this being the first sunny day in ages)
Push me NOW
That’s not very nice talking. Ask me nicely and I will be there in a moment
Push me NOW PLEASE (screamed in a whiny voice)
That’s rude talking, A. Ask me nicely and I will be there once I have pressed the start button
PUSH ME NOW NOW NOW PLEASE
I am going to count to to three. If you stop shouting and ask me nicely, I will come. If not you will go to timeout.
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PUSH ME NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW…
For the first three minutes, I ignore this…
NOW PUSH ME NOW ARRRRGGGGHHHH NOW NOW NOW
….and then I react with my own finest:
NO I WILL NOT PUSH YOU. GET IN HERE, SIT DOWN YOU ARE IN TIMEOUT.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (screamed directly in my face)
SIT DOWN NOW!!!!! I WILL NOT BE PUSHING YOU ON THIS SWING FOR THE REST OF TODAY!!

A is sobbing, I have to walk away to quell the rage within. When the tantrum has not abated after ten minutes even the neighbours give serious consideration to calling someone, anyone to shut that child up already.

Rinse and repeat at least five times a day over such outrageous transgressions on my part such as offering fruit as a snack.

I think she’s tired (I know I am)…then again perhaps she has a mild UTI as she has started to regress in the toilet training department and is wetting her pants every now and then. Plus we’re back to night time wake up calls. It doesn’t help that she also has to readjust to just having mummy at home rather than grandparents at her beck and call.

It would be a relief to know that a temporary illness is causing the behaviour- but a huge source of guilt for my own. Surely my perfect angel child (ha!) isn’t simply trying on some truly brattish means of getting her own way?

Either way I can’t win. Nor can I muster up the energy to do anything else. Except for making A go to her room after lunch for a rest for the first time in what seems like forever.

I’m off to smoke a packet of winnie blues put little miss E to bed, she who has been patiently and exuberantly jolly jumping as i type.

This gig sucks even more than my writing of late.