6 months 6 days Time certainly flies, doesn’t it? Well my little blossom, you did your first proper laugh yesterday, not a coo or a semi giggle, but a full on chuckle. It was gorgeous. And you are trying so hard to roll from your back to your tummy (the other way around is fine and has been for two months)…just remember to heave those shoulders! And it is lovely that you are finally starting to come around to the concept of sitting up one day, thanks to the bumbo and our old zoo breastfeeding pillow. You are really starting to take to solids with gusto, we have added ‘dinner’ to your repertoire alongside ‘breakfast’. So far you have tried pear, apple, a touch of banana and pumpkin in addition to your rice cereal (with EBM- mummy has finally learned how to pump) and tonight we will try some potato. It is so gorgeous how you open your mouth up so wide and bring your head forward onto the spoon, and cry when we have finished, you little gourmand you. Tresillian proved a lifesaver, both you and I are much happier in terms of sleeping and feeding. Most nights after your dreamfeed you go back to bed without your dummy, and our feeds, although mostly still fussy, are much improved along with my milk supply. I can’t believe that I am still breastfeeding you, and that i will be sad when you are weaned…whenever that will be (and here i was thinking that i could barely make it to six months…now i am thinking we will go to twelve!). I especially love the dreamfeed, both you and i snuggled in so close together and sleepy. That is the one feed I am going to hate giving up. Anyway I must get into the shower before you wake (AF is very heavy this second time around- ick) and that way we can maximise the time we spend playing together today. Love you more than I ever thought possible.

2:31am- Get A up, try to avoid eye contact (so hard when she is all smiles and totally adorable) and put her to the boob. Close eyes and attempt to stay half asleep.

2:41am- Hey, this half asleep state is working.

2:42 am- Wait, how come my top is all wet and smelling of milk? Oh damn it, forgot to put breast pad in bra. Oh well, at least A is dry. I’ll just change before I go back to bed.

2:44am- Hmm, little miss is fussing. Must have finished that boob. Righto, time for a burb and the other side.

2:50 am- Wow, she is still wriggling around a lot. It can’t be a burp because she just let out a beauty. Hang on a minute, has she done a poo recently?

2:52am- <> Ohhh boy, I can feel something on A’s back. Oh bollocks, there is poo everywhere up her back.

2:53 am – Silently curse manufacturers of Huggies as I attempt to find clean clothes, and something to clean A up with in the dark. She’s not even 6kg and the nappies are supposed to fit up to 8kg so why couldn’t it contain a backfire? 2:54am-3am- Attempt operation clean up without making A cry, therefore waking her Dad up. I don’t believe it, it’s the first time I’ve been able to change her outfit without a grizzle! Excellent, now to just quickly finish the feed and get back to bed.

3:15am- Oh come on, aren’t you finished yet?!

3:30am- Finally done, baby wrapped and about to be put into bed. Wait, one final burp…

3:33am- Enter bathroom to strip off top which is now not only milk stained, but covered in baby sick. 3:35am- Back in bed, listening out to see if A will settle. Yes, good girl! Now back to sleep for me

4:35am- I said, back to sleep for me.

5:45am- Back to slee..

6am- Alarm goes off so that James can get up and go to Canberra. Sigh….

It’s a good thing you are adorable and alseep right now my precious daughter

Where to begin..om Friday the 28th January at around 11:45pm, as I was lying in bed listening to a pregnancy relaxation CD my waters just went pop, everywhere. So it was off to the hospital for monitoring, where it was found that A was doing fine but my contractions hadn’t started. The internal was hell (this is important a bit later in the story). Due to the risk of infection I was told that I wouldn’t have much longer than 24 hours before I would have to be induced. We decided to head to my parents place at about 3am, just 10 minutes from the hospital to see how things progressed rather than stay at the hospital as it was a full house and i didn’t want to have to share a room.

We were back in the hospital on Saturday morning as I had started to have contractions overnight, they seemed to be about 10 minutes apart and I hadn’t slept but when we got to the hopital of course they stopped. Next thing I know I was told that they could just set up the induction drip and I would have my baby by nightfall. IN hindsight, this is where I made a big mistake. Stupid me got all upset about this sudden medical approach to the birth, being tethered to the bed for continouous monitoring rather the active birth I had envisaged. I saw my obstetrician, and he told me that as A seemed to be OK he was happy to wait until Sunday morning before inducing her. So off I went o my parents’s place again.

Over the course of the day the contractions got stronger, and I tried to manage by using a fit ball and dropping to my hands and knees to rock and moan. By Saturday evening, after no sleep and contractions every seven minutes I was again back at Westmead…and yet again the contractions stopped. By that stage I decided that I wasn’t going anywhere no matter what so I was put on the ward and DH stayed with me. I did not get to sleep, waking every six or so minutes in pain and started to get really frightened and felt really under pressure to get things going. The midwives tried to get me to do an internal exam on several occasions but i was like a wildcat and wouldn’t let them anywhere near me.

At about three am, a lovely midwife suggested to me that I could have an epidural so they could do their exam and I could get some sleep, as it was almost 100% certain that I would need to be induced. Next thing I know my OB pops in and says that the anaethetist was there doing another epi if iwanted to seize the opportunity. Before you know it I am prepped and an epi is put in…oh the bliss! I could have married the anaethetist at this stage. Anyway, while the epi took away the pain, it did not take away the distress and I still screamed through the internal, convinced I could feel pain. At this stage it was discovered I was only 3cm dilated.

By this stage I still hadn’t had any > >real sleep since Thursday night. So at around 6am the induction drip was set up and away we went, in > >conjunction with the epi it worked quickly and at 12:30 pm on Sunday I was ready to push. So the epidural was turned off. At first I was OK with the pushing, but it was such hard work when I was just so tired. Then the pain hit with full force and I aboslutely panicked and went out of my head. I tried and tried and treid to keep going, but I was getting nowhere fast. I remember screaming blue murder and thrashing around a lot, but i just felt like i was not there. I kept sobbing about whether A was OK.

At this stage it was decided that enough was enough, So I was given gas and air, the epi was turned right back up and my OB performed a forceps delivery (againI was convinced i could feel pain). A was down so low that it took just a couple of pushes and at 1:45pm her head and shoulders were out, and DH pulled his little girl out into the world 38 hours after it all began. She weighed in at 3.2kg (7 pds) and 53cm (almost 21 inches) long, APGARS were 9 and 9, overall fantastic for a 38 weeker who had been through a long birth process.

I was just in another place for some time as they stitched me up (my OB didn’t do an episotomy and I didn’t tear badly, as I haven’t really had problems with post birth pain in that area), and holding her for the first time just seemed so surreal. All up we were in hospital until Thursday morning, DH stayed with me the > >whole time as we had a double bed. It was the typical stay, every midwife had a different approach to feeding, there was one night nurse who was a nazi when we took A to the nuresry one night just so we could get some rest. it seemed like there was always someone coming into the room to do something…

So all up it was not the birth exeperience i had hoped for, it was bloody well traumatic to be honest and at this stage I feel that A might be an only child. Oh well, I will worry about that later.

After all of that..A is just divine, DH is just absolutely FANTASTIC with her, I don’t know what I would do without his total team based approach to her care and support and committment to me when it comesto feeding, recovering from the birth and my adjusting to motherhood. He really shines as a Dad. I really can’t believe that I am a Mum at last, and to such a beautiful and amazing little girl.

In other words…A was born on 30 January 2005 at 1:45pm, a healthy 38 weeker and simply the most beautiful little bub in the world! I can’t believe it has been seven weeks since my darling little girl was born. We’ve struggled with mastitis, had a very unpleasant enema experience (enough said) and mood swings (mine) and growth spurts (hers) but we’re still here and functioning, and A is still thriving. She has started to smile, which is just so incredible, and although she wakes in the night she is mostly very businesslike about it all thank goodness. Tomorrow is my 29th birthday, it’s amazing that I will be celebrating as a Mum. OK now that really was a cry…