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Nope. Just….nope.

By hissychick | March 21, 2013

I should have heeded the warning signs.

Wanting to blog again.
Lots of time on Farcebook
Disengagement of the filter between my mouth and brain.
Wanting to make those around me laugh all the time.

One communicative fuck up (again) at work, another online and a very minor one IRL and now I am in the grip of the fiend.

Anxiety sucks. Social anxiety even more so. My usual CBT learned thought challenges are not helping.

People bewilder me, and I have spent most of my lifetime trying to suss out their nuances, how they tick and how to put up an effective charade of normal. I specialise in the chameleon, in the hope that I will be accepted. Putting a foot wrong distresses me way, way more than I let on.

Right now I am exhausted with it all, and simply don’t have the energy to be funny. Or anything really. If only I could hibernate in a cave for a little while, recharge away from it all.

No chance of that.

So be gentle with me for now. I’ll be back to me- whoever that is- eventually.

Topics: Hello fiend | No Comments »