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Stunned
By hissychick | March 3, 2011
I had intended for my latest post to be all about my return to work (long story short: full on but all involved are fine) and perhaps a witty recap of miss A’s belated birthday party. However today I am going to focus on an incident that occurred at said party which shocked me so much more than the ear shrieking squeals of eight six year old girls in one room.
We were less than half an hour into festivities yesterday when I went to round up the children for a party game (side note: since when did kids get so bolshie as to backchat and refuse to follow directions from their friend’s mother?).
Just as the last girl had gathered in the group and I was saying let’s go and play pass the parcel…one of the girls suddenly viciously slapped me in the stomach. Without warning. Without provocation. And hard enough that a red mark was still evident on my skin half an hour later. The kids initially giggled nervously but then quickly saw that a) It had hurt and b) I was not happy.
In a shocked but very tightly controlled voice I told the child her behaviour was unacceptable and to go straight back into her mother. A good friend of mine who had stayed for the party where the others had done the drop and run.
Said child was promptly removed from the party without fanfare.
I’m gobsmacked. There had been no warning, no provocation, nothing. It had been a lighthearted call to organise some very excited little girls into a party game after they had let off some physical steam outside.
And now I have a dilemma. While I feel sorry for the little girl in question-she has had a tentative diagnosis of ODD and ADHD- I have reached the end of my tether with her. Over the six years we have known her she has been physically, emotionally and mentally aggressive to miss A and was for a long time one of the key triggers for anxious and shy behaviour from my biggest girl.
For years I have done my best to be accomodating, on one hand trying to reassurre my own daughter while all the while taking into account her little friend’s need for patience and understanding. So many other parents and friends have abandoned or at best avoided her.
My friend is taking her daughter back to her specialist ASAP as the aggressive behaviour is becoming more randomly directed and increasing in frequency. It is clear that she needs help.
However for me it is time for me to draw the line. Unacceptable behaviour is exactly that, and all other issues aside she most certainly knows that lashing out is not appropriate. After six years I can’t take it any more. And my children need to see that I will protect them, that I won’t tolerate what I would never accept from them.
I have made a tough decision. This child is no longer welcome in my house for a good while and I will have to actually say this to her mother rather than stage the wordless retreat. I need space, my kids need space, we all need some respite from the volatility while professional help is sought.
So why do I feel so bad about it?
Topics: Ouch, what to do? | 2 Comments »
We have had a similar line drawn in the sand over a friend. No longer welcome as a result of what I can only call deliberate vandalism of a section of Andrew’s garden. (It was he, less soft than I, who put his foot down, finally.) I feel crap about it. But…..I do sense it has to be done…
Lucy’s last blog post..Fat to Fit
Posted by: Lucy on March 3rd, 2011 at 8:45 pmI’ve been trying to put myself in your shoes…
I think it’s natural to feel bad. We are parents ourselves and we’d know how it’d feel if our kids are the ones who were ostracised. I know Caitlin feels sad and asks me why a certain friend excludes her from activities in school. I feel her “pain” (of a 6 year old) who is a bit of a social person herself.
But then you are right, we do wanna protect our kids too. It’s our duty to remove them from harmful situations, and in this case, removing the harm itself.
Posted by: JLow on March 5th, 2011 at 10:54 pm