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Tomorrow is a big day
By hissychick | June 23, 2009
Tomorrow marks a fairly momentous occasion for this (not so) little hissychick.
Twelve weeks.
To mark this auspicious date I will be having my NT scan done by a specialist and will be informed of the risk of down syndrome and other such chromosomal quirks, having already done the necessary blood tests.
Both A and E will accompany me to the scan along with my Mum. A is currently fascinated with all things baby, having already tagged along to my first midwife and OB appointment, marvelling at the ten week scan that was done then and totally delighted by the chance to listen to the heartbeat.
She has ensured that I get to the toilet promptly when I’ve been ill, have had chewing gum on hand and even purchased my some chuckies for the train journey to work.
Best of all, she has already gravely informed my mother in law that “Mummy’s baby is going to come out of her vagina, and that Mummy will probably yell when that happens”.
Ahem.
I too share my daughter’s excitement, but also a degree of trepidation. You may recall that a couple of months ago I referred obliquely in a post about a friend going through a tough time?
I’m here to tell you that that tough time was diagnosis of mosaic down syndrome via an amniocentesis, and her subsequent decision to terminate the pregnancy at around 17 weeks.
I am not here to judge. I am pro choice. But I also saw the photo of her beautiful little girl, delivered after an induction. I’ve held the tiny hat that was placed on her head, the miniscule booties that sheathed her feet. I know how much she weighed, and how long she was from the details on her birth and mortuary cards.
And my dog, I am terrified of having to face the same situation, of having to make the decision of whether to proceed or not with a pregnancy outside of the so called norm.
Tomorrow I want to know the risks. But I don’t want to consider the possibiiity that everything might not be perfect. I’m not sure that even makes sense given that I have requested the test.
For now I hold onto hope, that this (to me) miraculous pregnancy will continue to be textbook normal, and that the most I will have to worry about tomorrow afternoon is choosing which picture of bub I will use to share our news with the world.
Doesn’t mean I am going to be able to sleep well tonight.
OK this sounds far too depressing. Fingers crossed that the next lot posts will be far more shiny happy, with good news tomorrow, a belated E birthday post and the usual sassy comments from the clever clogs A. Not to mention celebration at the gradual demise of my nemesis nausea.
Positive thoughts…calm blue ocean…and stuff.
Topics: Unexpecting, shitscared |
Oh…..know your fear…..glad I read the newest post before this one!
Ann’s last blog post..About blogging
Posted by: Ann on June 25th, 2009 at 11:09 am