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Meaningful or meaningless?
By hissychick | September 2, 2008
Hi there? How’s things? Nice weather we’re having….
Um.
So I’ve been a whole lot of nutcase a little bit craazzy of late. I’d blame the French, except they’re not the ones still waking me up for a feed once or twice a night now that they are in their own room. No names mentioned, miss E I’m looking straight at you.
Anyway, I guess the only way out of this funk is to accept the ongoing sleep deprivation, embrace the broken nights because they are showing no signs of abating anytime soon. Either that or sink lower into a tired misery punctuated by a fixation on all things meaningless while I let the meaningful moments slide.
Examples? I have so wanted to come on here and tell you all about A’s amazingly elephantine memory and her ability to recall things from a year ago in perfect detail, snippets of conversations we have which show her burgeoning empathy and reasoning skills yet are still rather hilarious. Especially her emphatic “I KNOW that” whenever she is called up on her behaviour, before proceeding to do what she wanted to do anyway. Her secure satisfaction in knowing that she will always be my baby and that I love her to the moon and back. My girl’s excitement and pride reserved for physie, and the thrill of counting down the days until this weekend’s concert, where she will be wearing her “proper real physie shoes and leotard mummy“.
Her obsession with the story of Cinderella, and her father’s delight at my ambivalence to this most decidedly non feminist tale.
And then there’s been E’s language explosion, from the adorable way in which she will plop down her weary head and say ‘nigh nigh‘ whenever she is tired, her pleading ‘uhh! uhh!‘ as she tries to scramble up my legs and into my awaiting arms and her most exuberant “dip! dip!” as she is presented with a bowl of food or tub of yogurt that she must feed herself, and by dog she does a great job with a spoon already.
The new tooth, the exceptionally hair raising climbing skills and mastery of riding a slippery dip at the grand old age of fourteen months. Her love of animals, as evidenced by her cheery “woo!woo!” greeting to the neighbour’s dogs when we raise her bedroom blind in the morning, the constant searching for and pointing at “tweet! tweets!” as she climbs up onto the coffee table to gaze out at the birds in the bushland outside.
The squeals of delight as my girls play chaseys with each other all day long.
Mr hissychick’s landmark fortieth, and the horror/comedy of the day as detailed on his own blog, but excluding my sadness and embarrassment at his poorly hidden displeasure with my first choice of watch for his birthday present.
Instead I have been mooching around, paying half hearted attention to the kids and the state of the house as I focus my priorities on stupid things like trying to get a nappy cream stain out of a couple of MCNs….at 11pm at night. Typing and then deleting comments on your blogs, fearing my words are just inane crap.
Worrying myself sick about the fact that I have to put in another extension of leave form at work, even though I knew it was never going to be realistic for me to return before the end of the year. Wondering how it will even be possible to juggle the commute and my absolute opposition to formal child care for my children before they are two years old but fearing that if I don’t return to work that I will entirely lose my own identity, self esteem and independence.
I won’t get started on the whole I really want a third child even though it defies all common sense and ongoing resentment at the fact that even if mr hissychick magically changed his mind it wouldn’t happen the au natural way anyway.
And let’s not mention how much time has been wasted of late in the agonising grip of guilt. Guilt that my own shitty mood is directly affecting my kids, my relationship with my husband, and is probably the major cause of climate change and the one thing that is holding everyone back from achieving world peace.
I am way too self involved. So tell me, is the answer sleep, medication, sex, plucking my eyebrows? And what was the question anyway?
Gah.
Topics: Hello fiend, Rage against the machine, Silly mummy, hello i'm boring, hi ho A is on the go, hi ho E is on the go, hissyfit, moody blues |
“So tell me, is the answer sleep, medication, sex, plucking my eyebrows?”
All of those things but put the eyebrow plucking first and them follow with sleep, medication and then sex will help you all a little bit I am sure.
It is not a crime for you to be overwhelmed. It is a crime for those around you not to see it and not act.
Posted by: Simone on September 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 amMommy, Hope you’re getting some relief letting it out here. We’re all ears.
Mood boosters I do:
Chant with a friend who is encouraging and funny,
Call a dependable friend and talk out the stress,
Sleep,
Drink some tea with a piece of bread/toast,
Read something inspirational.
Mood boosters I think would do:
Go for a massage/ manicure/ plucking your eyebrows,
Buy yourself some flowers to brighten up your room/kitchen/dining room, etc.,
Take a nature walk,
Go to the seaside.
Oh, E is growing so wonderfully well!!
I love this stage when yes, the language explosion can be really “WOW” to the Mommy especially.
Hope she cheers you more.
A makes me think of Micah. He too surprises us with things he remembers, some significant, some obscure. I know how demanding this can be too: for attention and time, because they have such an amazing brain!
Have a better day tomorrow.
Moomykin’s last blog post..Of Dreams And Imaginations
Posted by: Moomykin on September 2nd, 2008 at 4:49 pmI vote wax your eyebrows - who wants little pricks all over your eyes. Plus you’ll always overpluck/be wonky.
I heartily endorse getting Influenza and making yourself a cesspit of germs - this allows you to sleep 20 hours a day for a week with the bonus points of losing weight. Tried and tested. A+++ from me.
Orrrr think about why you’re so absolutely opposed to all formal care for your delightful babies and see if you can forgive yourself long enough to take a break.
Posted by: Jenn on September 3rd, 2008 at 12:34 amGot to say your kids are totally adorable!
You know, a bit of sex might actually make everything better? Or maybe I am speaking for myself!
Want to say things will change and all that positive stuff, but who am I kidding! Life as a parent will always be disfunctional, but maybe that is the charm of it! At least we have something/someone to blame!
Ann’s last blog post..Life excerpts at 13
Posted by: Ann on September 3rd, 2008 at 6:17 amYou guys are the best
Posted by: hissychick on September 3rd, 2008 at 9:17 amSex…definitely go the sex option. (Says the sex deprived hippo about to give birth!)
Posted by: Em on September 4th, 2008 at 2:34 amI feel your pain babe, I really do. Go the sex option. At leat you might feel like a goddess. A knackered one, but a goddes never the less………..xxx
Lucy’s last blog post..Makeover snaps………..
Posted by: Lucy on September 5th, 2008 at 3:15 pm