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Postcards from the edge
By hissychick | August 8, 2008
To whom it may concern at Huggies Inc,
I have lined your pockets with many dollars over the past three and a half years, initially because of the fact that the scary plasti-chemical combo you include in your nappies is the only one not to give my oldest daughter nappy rash.
So please tell me why my youngest daughter, who is not even eleven kilos, can no longer fit in your toddler size nappy, which is supposedly for little ‘uns between 10 and 15 kg in weight?
Surely your fine corporation isn’t minimising the size of your product in an attempt to quickly graduate children to the next size nappy, of which there are significantly less per packet and therefore more profits to be had. Not the company that makes such warm and fuzzy soft focus commercials focusing on the fact that having a baby is all warmth and cuddles and giggles with nary a faeces filled nappy in sight.
As for my oldest daughter, she continues to require your alchemy in the form of Drynites big girl nappies that draw all wetness away, meaning that my daughter likes to lie in bed in the morning and wee before she gets up, therefore providing me with no clue as to whether she is night trained and no longer requires your at this stage $1.50 per nappy product night time ‘pants’ because as we know, dryness happens at their own pace, which of course has nothing to do with maximising your hold over my wallet for as long as possible.
Keep up the good work.
Regards,
mrs e. hissychick
***********
Darling E,
And hello and g’day to you too sweetheart. I am totally loving your language explosion at the moment. There is nothing more adorable than the way you wave ‘night ‘night when we put you to bed for a sleep.
What I’m not so keen on is the fact that you have decided that said sleep is to be avoided at all costs because you need to maximise your time practising your burgeoning language skills. One am, 3:30 am and 5 am are not the most suitable of times to run through the names of all of your favourite people in the world.
And please cease and desist on that I will poo ten minutes after you have put me in the cot for a daytime nap trick and then you will have to get me up again or I won’t sleep and then I won’t sleep anyway or if i do it’ll only be for one and only one brief nap mwhahahahaha habit that you’ve had happening for, oh the last forever.
What was that? Oh you just grinned at me with your delightful now with added molar smile that lights up your whole face. You want a kiss, and to sing doo doo doo along with the Night Garden and na na na along wth the chicken dance? Of course I give up, you can have anything you want. Once you climb down from the glass front buffet. Umm how did you get up there in the first place?
Much love
Mummy xxx
**********
My beloved A,
To answer your question: yes darling I still love you all the way to the moon and the stars and back even when you’ve been naughty. Why do I love you when you are naughty? Because you are my daughter. Why are you my daughter? Because you are made from special little bits of Mummy and Daddy. How did we make you? Oh look up there at the stars.
What are stars made of? How far away are the stars? How can we get there? Is a rocket ship the same as a car? How is the car that had a flat battery that we saw yesterday going? Wh-
Oh for the love of dog, please go to sleep. If you actually got some decent sleep we might see less of this blood pressure increasing defiance and meltdowns over trivial issues such as the fact that your sister dropped a piece of banana on your bedroom floorbe able to spend more time exploring things that interest you, such as counting to one hundred and learning about the engineering behind water supply and building construction.
Love always and forever (and yes forever is a long, long long time sweetie)
Mum mum xxxxx
PS YEs tomorrow is Saturday and yes that means movie night. And you’re right the day after that is Sunday and Daddy is still home from work because it’s the weekend. You’ve got it, that day after that is Monday and that means physie class. And then, that’s right, it’s Tuesday and- oh hang on, go to sleep. You’ve mastered the concept of a week but now it’s time for sleep.
PPS Mummy is very proud of the fact that you picked out a gorgeous black leotard and tutu from the usual pick and frilly options available. That’s my little individual, use your determination for good and not evil!
*************
Dear husband,
I will try to stop laughing at the fact that A refuses to call you Daddy, just like Bart does to Homer in the Simpsons. And the way that E likes to smack you in the head as a form of greeting.
No I won’t.
Smooches,
Wifey xxx
******************
Hello body of mine,
First of all I’d like to offer a big well done to friend thyroid, who is continuing to behave herself in a manner most becoming to a normal butterfly shaped neck gland.
Iron stores, I have to issue you a formal warning. You have sneakily slacked off, plummeting to a silly low while I was simply thinking that I was just a bit tired. Take your daily supplement with good humour for the next three to six months and we’ll have another performance review then OK?
Finally blood pressure. I’m very, very disappointed in you. What the hell were you thinking, shooting up like that? You’d better pull your socks up, because I am now required to keep an eye on you several times a day for the next month. Enough already of the vagueness and occasional dizzy spell, oh yeah, and potential for long term damage to my health. You nasty sneak, you can’t possibly want to go back to the drugs and endless testing we last had almost ten years ago. Surely my having to remain calm, relax and not sweat the small stuff blah blah hippy fishpaste is enough for you?
Signing off,
Head in charge.
Topics: Rage against the machine, Silly mummy, hello i'm boring, hi ho A is on the go, hi ho E is on the go, mr hissychick |
Hissy, the boys are 12kg and have bucket loads of room in said overpriced toddler nappies. I think it may have..ahem.. to do with the girth of the cutest little toosh out there!
My boys have inherited their fathers butt. And I have called him Buttless Man since I met him!I dont see much hope for them in the future of holding up their pants in the traditional way.
Lovely to read that A is a pre-goth. Pink is for the blenders!
Tally ho!
Posted by: Simone on August 8th, 2008 at 7:21 amthis cracked me up so much
nice to have a smile on my face to face the weekend of the twins bday party.. eeeekkk
lia’s last blog post..yet another tag..
Posted by: lia on August 8th, 2008 at 8:56 amTally ho back at you Simone. You’re probably right, E has a lovely plump little butt and deliciously strong thighs (no I won’t call them plow pulling thighs like mr hissychick does). Still have to shake my fist- or use CAPS AND RED FONT- at the Huggies man.
And yay to A for her love of black. I’ve had nothing to do with at all, no I did not buy my daughter those black and white bunny skull and cross bone sneakers. No I did not.
Lia- glad to have provided some amusement to another twin mum reader. Good luck with birthday celebrations
Posted by: hissychick on August 8th, 2008 at 9:36 amE is talking!! wonderful! Although I am sure it’s not something you feel like celebrating at 3am and 5 am!
A is just like Micah… all the questions.. trying to not sleep… so clever. hahaha…
Take care of yourself, Mommy, so that you can also take care of your lovely girls.
Moomykin’s last blog post..Good Ole MIL
Posted by: Moomykin on August 13th, 2008 at 7:29 am[…] internets, you may recall that I recently had a bit of a rant at the Huggies man. Well, after another couple of weeks where my nights were interrupted by more wake up calls due to […]
Posted by: Cloth bottomed girls they make the rockin’ world go round at hissychick on September 5th, 2008 at 4:49 am