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Dismissed
By hissychick | June 24, 2008
Me: So what did you do at preschool today?
A (ignoring me):……………
Me (a few moments later): A, did you have fun today? What sorts of things did you do?
A (ignoring me again):……
Me (persisting after a short pause): Painting? Dress ups? Play….
A (sighing and cutting me off): Mummy, I don’t know. I’ll tell you tomorrow OK? Stop talking, I want to listen to this song. Can you turn it up please?
Me (gobsmacked, reaching for the radio dial): Um sure sweetie.
And I thought contempt for one’s mother started in the teenage years.
Edited to add: Below is one of the things she had been busy working on and thinking about. Introducing the first full family portrait as drawn by A. Gives me goosebumps. Apparently I’m at the front left and to my right is mr hissychick, wearing glasses. A is behind her Dad and E is to her left. What a treasure.
Topics: Threenager alert |
That’s a bit rude….
I personally would not stand for this; would have told her off by the second time of no-answer.
But that’s just me.
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Posted by: JLow on June 24th, 2008 at 6:05 amYes it might sound rude JLow, but miss A seems to be exhibiting a trait common to all of her peers at this age. I’ve spoken to several friends and we are all frustrated with what appears to be the habit of ignoring one’s parents. However it is apparently a developmental issue, where if they are focussed on something else they simply don’t hear you. A bit like blokes only being capable of dealing with one thing at a time!
Plus there is also the fact that A by nature is an introvert, and probably wasn’t ready for the barrage of questions at the end of a busy day.
That said, the not listening thing is a major source of telling off in this household when mummy is going bogue….
Posted by: hissychick on June 24th, 2008 at 7:05 amMicah often ignores me too. Actually, it’s more like engrossed in something else that he really can’t hear me. Sometimes after repeating myself a few times, I’d pull his face close to mine and ask him,
“Did you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“What did I say?”
Silence for a second, then, “Err.. I don’t know.”
I’ll have to start all over again, but at least I get him this time.
Btw, Nice drawing for a 3+.
Micah can’t do anything like that. He’s slow in developing his motor skills in this area coz he’s always not been able to sit down long enough. Hahaha…
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Posted by: Moomykin on June 24th, 2008 at 12:07 pmOh I missed the new pic/drawing; yes they are quite good for a 3+, and… sorry what was that you were saying?
Oh yes, the bit about blokes being… HEY!
Maybe I am the odd one out. Caitlin, I am pretty sure, does hear everything that is directed at her. I know she deliberately ignores people, much to my disappointment. I know it saddens my parents when we visit and she ignores them when we arrive, and when she is spoken to.
Then again, probably the only time she may actually be focused elsewhere is when she is watching tv; I recall now that I have to repeat myself twice before she answers the query, ie, she not only knows she’s spoken to, she also hears the question itself, at the second time…
Maybe then, given both the above examples, my daughter is an un-focused child!
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Posted by: JLow on June 24th, 2008 at 3:19 pmJLow, Caitlin sounds so much like A.
I too have felt embarassed when A has refused to acknowledge people talking to her until I spoke to my wise mother, who reminded me that three year olds view the world differently to us. It is classic introverted behaviour to be a bit slower to warm up in social situations. Just think of the adult who has great difficulty in making chit chat in social situations. A three year old doesn’t yet understand the ‘rules’, ie that you have to make small talk yet. They only know that they feel the need to step back and observe before working out whether they want to join in or not, niceties be damned!
And still it can be very trying. One of the biggest concerns we faced was that A’s daycare were holding her back from the preschool room because she refused to talk to her teachers, and they thought that meant that she wasn’t ready. I had to persist and persist, arguing that the reason she wasn’t talking was because she was being held back and was bored by the lack of stimulation and the fact that her classmates could not converse with her at the same level.
They caved. And guess what, I was right. A is talking and thriving. So much so that only a few weeks after starting in the preschool room the teachers are already talking about how bright she is, that she is already involved in the activities for four to five year olds and that they hope that they can keep her adequately stimulated as it is!
That was a long winded way of saying you have to both accept the quieter personality behind the ignoring/not speaking behaviour yet still gently push them out of their comfort zone…
Posted by: hissychick on June 24th, 2008 at 11:00 pmYou are so right.
When Caitlin started school, she was quite apprehensive at the start (although from day 1 she was already very business-like about attending school). Recent feedback from teachers is that Caitlin can be quite a chatterbox in class!
Also, Dr Pixie (my ped sister) did “warn” us that as soon as toddlers turn 2 they will start testing their environs, including challenging authority; that this is the time to “tune” their behaviour before it becomes ingrained in their character. ‘Cos the older they get the harder it is to reverse / instil good behaviour. I have a few recent-teenagers as examples here of this path gone awry.
Caitlin exhibited this about a month before she turned 2. She is 3.5 now, and the above comment about her not ack / greeting her elders is the main sticking point. Other times, she is generally polite with her p’s and q’s, requiring only occasional reminders of “what must you say?”
Caitlin has also sometimes withdrawn from me, without there being any distractions at all (eg bedtime). She’d tell me she “is sad” (something bothering her) but refuses to volunteer the reason(s). Usually I’d have to dig it out of her, with creative poking. I don’t want the (my own) habit of just brushing it off as kids-talk, that “it’s probably nothing”… What if it’s something serious after all, like someone has been touching her?
And from a personal standpoint, I want to be her friend in that she should feel she can tell me anything, from this point on, as much as I can..
JLow’s last blog post..Blackmail as child discipline!
Posted by: JLow on June 25th, 2008 at 2:05 amYou look so happy in that picture. Put it in a frame and show it off!
Posted by: pinert on June 26th, 2008 at 8:12 am[…] ease. You have so many funny sayings and philosophical questions, as I have faithfully recorded so many times on this […]
Posted by: Three years five months at hissychick on July 4th, 2008 at 6:30 am