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Experiences that I don’t care to repeat
By hissychick | March 28, 2008
The funny:
Having to calmly explain to A within earshot of the other highly amused Mums at mother’s group yesterday that no she couldn’t wee standing up like her mate N because she doesn’t have a penis. Only to catch her a few hours later at home as she was about to STAND on the toilet and give this I want to stand up and do a wee with my penis just like the boys, can you help please Mum? gig a red hot go.
The not so funny:
Trying and failing yet again to get E to take her post lunch boob feed somewhere other than our bedroom. Today it was a quiet cafe with a friend, and a poor old octogenarian on a walking frame nearly had a heart attack when my boob was bared to the world while my pixie child shrieked mmmmmmumMUMMUMMUM with excitement as she tried to get his full attention. As if the nipple barely a metre from his face wasn’t distracting him enough.
The not in the least bit funny:
It was witching hour last night. A was whining, toys were scattered from one end of the house to the other and I was trying to cook dinner. I look down to see E at my feet chewing on something. I pick her up and she swallows before I can fish the foreign object out with my finger.
And then she started choking. So silently, so very swiftly.
My blood ran cold in that nanosecond between realisation at what was happening, wondering what she had consumed (a small toy? a hairband? good christ what the hell is lying around i am such a bad mother why didn’t i clean up?) and springing into action. Heart in mouth, I laid her across my arm with her head below her shoulders and gave her a sharp whack between her shoulder blades.
Nothing. Her eyes watering, her look imploring.
Blood singing in my ears, I did a second whack whilst frantically fishing around in her mouth for something, anything to dislodge from her airways.
Still nothing. E’s face turned a horrid shade of red. The one that comes before purple. The one that comes before the blue you never ever want to see.
Heart in mouth I did a third whack and search. And with a vomit and a cry E brought it up a small sharp dried up piece of eucalyptus leaf.
After the sheer relief came the fear, my entire body convulsing with fear at what might have been. And then came the hissyfit. I want to remove every last gum tree within a two kilometre radius of my house. And seeing as I live in the Blue Mountains, that’s no mean feat.
Now that the adrenaline rush has subsided I am off to book in for a first aid refresher course. In the meantime, and on a very serious note, I would like to direct you all to an excellent series of clips outlining first aid basics for babies and children. I had only recently watched these, and thank your choice of deity that I had.
Have a great weekend internets. The normal and rather silly hissychick that you all know and politely humor will be back shortly.
Topics: Silly mummy, shitscared |
Oh shit that would be bad.Dead flies really do my head in.Why do they want to eat them
Posted by: Simone on March 28th, 2008 at 5:40 amSo many people completely freeze up. Congratulations for doign exactly the right thing… Octogenarians really do need to understand that breastfeeding is natural and not perverted
Posted by: Jenn on March 28th, 2008 at 6:09 amWhen Max just started crawling I once found a rubber hairband in his poop in the diapers!
Another time, last year, he choked on a sweet he had snatched from his brother and I also carried him almost upside down and hit him on his back. The sweet dislodge and a crying Max was gladly cuddled and then scolded.
Kids rally test your wits ends.
Moomykin’s last blog post..Mrs. Gadget-daddy
Posted by: Moomykin on March 28th, 2008 at 1:28 pmOh You poor thing. You must have been so frightened.
You did well to keep it together.
Melissa’s last blog post..Phantasms.
Posted by: Melissa on March 29th, 2008 at 2:16 amYou handled that very scary situation with such grace under fire! Well done you!
And thank you for the links - I’m off to refresh myself!!!
Ave xx
Posted by: Averil on March 29th, 2008 at 8:21 amPhew! Quick thinking 99. My little one choked on (of all things) the seaweed off a nori roll. And yes that shade of red is awful. Luckily there was enough for me to grab and remove (followed by a clump of rice).
I’d flash my boobies everywhere…and why not? We’re mammals, they’re a feeding tool.
Posted by: Marywin on March 30th, 2008 at 5:32 amOK…the last one was really really scary!
I think boob-ing in public is more UNcomfortable for the next door ‘neighbours’ than us mummies! Sigh….turn the other way than friend!
And peeing…oh….that was the utmost hilarious-ness ever told!
Ann’s last blog post..One defining moment
Posted by: Ann on March 31st, 2008 at 1:28 amThanks for all of your comments. We’ve moved onto the next source of a heart attack as E learns to climb. Yikes.
As for boobing in public, yes I know it’s my right and yes it should be viewed as the norm…but I hate flashing my boosies to the world. But that’s a whole other topic for another post. Maybe.
Posted by: hissychick on April 1st, 2008 at 12:57 am