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Stating the obvious
By hissychick | March 15, 2008
Apologies in advance for the non witty and poorly written post. But.
But.
I’m going to start with the positives: E does high fives and can now perch up on her knees as she plays and reaches for toys, a key precusror to pulling to a stand.. A has started to draw pictures you can actually recognise (a sun with rays and a smiley face, an eight wheeled car) and actually uses a knife and fork when dining in public. Adult sized metal ones. Yeah, I know.
Now the not so good: I’m in a dark frame of mind, and it is mostly due to the fact that I am tired of being bad cop to the threenager. I put her in time out, she walks away. I take away priveleges, she whines and then badgers her father to give in. She refuses to listen- especially to the not grabbing her sister or trying to make E crawl through her legs bit and screams no in my face.
Part of it is my fault. I have been short tempered and not always the calmest and most consistent of late. However I am beginning to feel like I am fighting a losing battle when it comes to enforcing the rules. You don’t eat your vegies, you don’t get dessert. You have water to drink between meals. You stay in time out until time is up.
NOT EVERYTHING IS A CHOICE FOR YOU.
This is what ticks me off the most. I try to offer closed ended choices where possible to give her some say and where the choice is of no major consequence (eg do you want a shower or a bath tonight? Your red or pink shirt?)
Problem is, I think we’ve made it too open ended for our girl. She must be hearing a raised voice at the end of “It’s time for lunch” because A sure as hell is treating statements like they are questions.
Are we trying too hard to be more like friends than parents? Quite frankly, I want us to have a loving relationship with our daughter- but one with boundaries. And tough if you throw a tantrum when you don’t get your own way.
So why do I feel like this isn’t being achieved right now?
I need to take a breather and get out a bit more. Make that even a bit.
Nah scratch that, I think I just need a bit full stop.
Topics: Going bogue, Silly mummy, Threenage rage, hissyfit, moody blues |
So far we have also been offering choices, but usually including the undesirable consequence as the alternative.
The last 2 examples were:
1. It was time for Caleb to get his shots, and I didn’t want Caitlin to come along (she loves her Daddee you see! Okay she also likes the mini playground in the clinic) Since she didn’t like the idea of jabs, I made it clear that that was what the visit was about, and also she may not also like the screams that her little brother will be doing.
2. The heavy handed approach
“You better go get dressed now otherwise you don’t get to come along / no lunch / stay at home alone / sleep with the dogs outside / leave you at the petrol stations where naughty children sleep, etc”
… until they wise up and realise that we won’t actually carry out some of these!
JLow’s last blog post..Somewhere in between..
Posted by: JLow on March 17th, 2008 at 3:20 amAll good ideas that might just save me from holding A’s security blankets ransom…
Posted by: hissychick on March 17th, 2008 at 10:12 amA can draw! That’s fabulous.
About the other, I don’t think your child needs you to be a friend right now, but it’s more of a fact that you love her and will give her the best, which is not always what she wants.
(Btw, I think this would continue until past their teenage years when they come to their senses and appreciate you as a person and then can call you her best friend. That’s how my parents and I figured it out…)
I remind Micah constantly that we love him and want to have good times together, but if does not listen to instructions, then we will have to be severe. He understands that, but as a child he can’t always get it, so we do have to be severe at times.
Moomykin’s last blog post..I Insist…
Posted by: Moomykin on March 17th, 2008 at 4:24 pmKathie you have hit the nail right on the head so as to speak.
I think I’ve been swinging from too much like a friend to too severe at times. By telling A that I love her and want the best but that there will be consequences when she doesn’t do the right thing I am also reminding myself what it’s all about.
Thankyou
Posted by: hissychick on March 17th, 2008 at 11:05 pm