« | Home | »

25 April 2003

By hissychick | April 25, 2003

Hmmm its been a while since i updated my diary so I thought I’d better get to it! DH and I spent a lovely two weeks holiday in Melbourne, returning home on Easter Sunday. We did lots of shopping, wnet out to dinner with various friends, went to the zoo, Geelong, the Casino and the football. Had a pretty good time overall. Didn’t want to have to come back. A bit disappointed because AF showed up while we were away but also kind of relieved because it was a “normal” period (I think I’ve already written about this). Also disappointed because I didn’t get the permanent job. I made the eligibility list but both the person who got the job and the next person on the list were both from the Cabinet Office and had an average of six years experience each. I was basically told that it was bad luck that over experienced people went for the job. I felt a bit better knowing that it wasn’t that I wasn’t qualified- I was actually targeted for the job- however it really annoys me that people who should be going for much higher level jobs are applying for lower grades. I guess they are going for what they can get but what can you do? Never mind… Anyway back to the more important things like TTC :-) I recently bought a book called “Trying Again” and I am finding it really interesting and reassuring. Regular pregnancy books just don’t seem to cater for those of us who have been through the trauma of loss. This book really seems to recognise that the naive joy of pregnancy and feeling safe in life has been lost and that any future TTC and pregnancy will be marked by lots of fear. The key message seems to be to empower yourself with a bit of knowledge, be aware that you are going to be frightened but also to celebrate those moments of joy that will bubble up. I like it :-) Anyway I am on CD 10 now so DH and I will be gearing up for some serious BDing over the week or so. I have started charting again, not to get all paranoid but to try to become really aware of what’s going on in my body again. One of the major psychological stumbling blocks I have started to overcome was picking up my good old thermometer again. I needed to overcome my anxiety about the stupid thing as it’s for a good cause- I have been reading about low progesterone levels and their potential role in ectopics. So I am charting to make sure my luteal phase is an OK length whcih I think it is . The big thing I want to look at it my tempereature rise and whether it is sufficiently large. I am planning on seing my GP after O this month (I know I O so that’s one less worry) and I will feel better if I am armed with some data! I am a bit disappointed with the medical profession in that I have been left in the lurch so I think I am well within my rights to get some tests and reassurance at this stage. So I will be asking for: 1) 21 day test and progesterone levels 2) Whether an ultrasound will show up what scar tissue has formed after my surgery 3)Whether all this spotting stuff is still OK. Hmmm I realise that I am going to have to learn patience and have a little courage, because it will take me longer to TTC with one tube and if i do conceive I will be a high risk prenancy until proven otherwise. The only bonus is that I will get those very early scans and thorough testing. However I find it kind of sad that it takes such a bad loss before you get the kind of medical attention that we all really should have.. Enough ranting. I am going to go watch the Collingwood vs Essendon game on the telly with my DH (go Pies!) and start knitting my new chunky scarf. Love to all

Topics: Infertile thoughts, Preblog diary, TTC | No Comments »

Comments