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10 March 2003- Due date

By hissychick | March 10, 2003

Today was the day you should have been born into this world little one. But it never came to pass. Today I weep for you, I weep for the loss of my right tube, I weep that your Dad never held you in his arms, I weep because in the eyes of the world I am not a mother. I know that I am lucky to have survived, and that it is almost guaranteed that I will live to see my 27th birthday in just under two weeks’ time. However a part of me did die last August, and that part of me was you. I am not someone who can believe in simple notions of heaven and God and divine justice. What I do cling to is the fact that energy never dies it just changes form. My body tried to reabsorb your cells, so in a sense you are still with me. You left this world in the cocoon of my right tube, and in that sense I went as far on the journey as I could with you. That was my sacrifice for you. I am so sorry that I couldn’t give you life. You on the other hand were the one who gave their all to me and I want you to know my little one that you gave me gifts of strength and courage and (although I am frightened and despondent right now) hope. I will always remember you and cherish you, and love you. I bear the physical scars of your existence wih pride. You truly were formed from the stars and borne of a deep love between me and your Dad. Maybe one day we can meet again…….

Topics: Ectopic, Preblog diary | No Comments »

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