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4 October 2002

By hissychick | October 4, 2002

DH and I are off to Melbourne tomorrow for the week. It is FIL’s 60th birthday and a great chance for DH to catch up with his closest mates. I can’t believe it has been almost 2 years since we’ve been in Melbourne… A bit tired and crappy today…well for the last week lol. I know it is probably just PMT but I have had a couple of nasty panic attacks about death…and got really freaked out on Wednesday night when DH only got home at 4:20am in the morning (long story). I couldn’t ring him because his mobile was flat and I spent hours lying there in absolute terror because I thought the next thing that was going to happen would be the police knocking on the front door telling me that my husband is dead… Well that is out of the system now. I just wish I didn’t always think that way :( Iguess it won’t be too long until we can start TTC again. Part of me is thrilled, the other part terrified. I really would like to make a beautiful bub for my little one to watch over. On the other hand I am not sure I could take another ectopic… Life deals you up some funny cards doesn’t it. I mean creating new life is such a bloody lotto. Please God let us have a healthy child… I have promised myself to be much more relaxed about TTC this time. I will not go wishing my life away counting days, temps, charts. I am just glad to be alive and plan to cherish every moment I have with my DH…Hmm this is one of the lessons i have learnt I guess. When you first start out TTC and you get all stressed by about cycle 3 or 4 you just don’t bloody well realise that. A different approach is needed because when (if?) I get that BFP it really isn’t going to be an innocent joy and thrill- more like terror until it is confirmed that the baby is in the right place…sometimes i feel cheated by this fact and that for me, pregnancy has so far only turned out to be life threatening and grief filled. One step at a time….. I will continue to keep an eye out on anyone on this board who has ectopic like symptoms. The more these can be identified early and treated, the better I say. I wouldn’t wish this crap on anyone :( Thank goodness shazbink had a vigilant doctor- wishing you a speedy recovery sweetie :) Well enough ranting on for now. Will update when I am back from Melb!

Topics: Ectopic, Preblog diary |

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